Teenagers need advice plse.....

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angelmse
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Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby angelmse » Fri Nov 18, 2016 8:46 pm

Ok big issue in my house to go to let my 13 yr old go hang out at the mall or not?

Today I ran into 5 of my sons friends/classmates at the mall with a group of girls. Keep in mind these are 7th graders 12-13 yrs old. they were just walking around and chatting. No big deal but.... The girls looked a lot older than the boys did, I could be wrong. And what really made me mad, was some of the boys had their school logo shirts on. These are Catholic school boys, not sure about the girls. So hey Mr. predator if you don't get me at the mall, now you know where to find me. UGH...... This group has asked my son twice now, to meet them at the mall and "hang out" I have said NO both times. Yes, they are good kids and I don't see them doing anything they shouldn't, but they are 13.
So I need some input from ya'll plse. I am an over protective mom, single mom and am questioning myself over this issue. So I thought I would hit you all up for some input.
Thanks all

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teknoge3k
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Re: Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby teknoge3k » Fri Nov 18, 2016 8:57 pm

I always went when I was a teenager, however that was many years ago. The mall is a common area for kids to want to go hang out with other peers. My son does it (he's 12, will be 13 in 2 weeks) loves hanging out at the mall. Every parent is different, every city is different, every child is different. Me personally I would say go for it and let them hang out. But that's my parenting, not yours. Do what you feel is right for your child.
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bfshoppermom
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Re: Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby bfshoppermom » Fri Nov 18, 2016 9:24 pm

My middle schooler is a girl and there is no way I would drop her off at a mall to go hang out with friends. Now I would let her go to movies with a large group and I would be there until they went in and be there when the movie let out. To me that is enough freedom for middle school.

Kids that age don't typically have weekly shopping money and aren't actually shopping when they walk around a mall. Here the retailers don't want them in the stores in groups because they aren't customers - they are goofing around with products just to entertain themselves.

Going bowling, going to movies, going to a local sporting event, etc would be things I might find acceptable for middle school age but not just mall wandering. The parents that are good dropping tweens/young teens for hours with no supervision and no specific "entertainment" (like a movie) is not really the peer group I would want for my middle schooler.

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Re: Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby azerigold » Sat Nov 19, 2016 12:45 pm

I have 2 teens who are older than your son. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with wearing school logos. I mean, why have them if you can't wear them? I see teens wearing them everywhere, not just the mall.... I know it's in our nature to worry, but you can't protect them from the whole world, if a predator wants to mess with them, they could always follow them home. Scary thought, but that's the world we live in, unfortunately. You just have to teach, and preach about safety, talking to strangers, and being aware of your surroundings. They are teenagers, they are probably more apt about what is going on around them than we may think.

I agree with knowing the area, is it known for problems, or is it a decent spot?
As for the girls being older, I don't really know what to say, since my kids don't really hang out with anyone older than them. I don't have a problem with my kids hanging out with their friends who are 1-2 years younger/older as long as I know those kids aren't trouble.
If your son has a phone, you could always text me and make him check in with you occasionally, have him tell you where he's at/what they are doing. He's a kid, in a crazy, crazy world, if he can't check in with you to let you know he is okay, then honestly, I probably wouldn't let him go, but that's just me.
If he doesn't have a phone, that could present a problem.

Another thing you could do, make time to hang out at the mall while he is walking around with his friends. Doesn't mean following them around, but being right in the area could ease your worries vs. just dropping him off and turning him loose.
Malls have security & cameras....

My kids don't really ask to go places like that with their friends. In fact, my teenagers are homebodies, which is crazy to me since I always wanted to be out at their age. I feel like I have to push them out the door to venture the world sometimes lol. My son is very social though, so it's funny.
Now, with that said, this past weekend I took my teens to the mall to meet up with my sons girlfriend, and her best friend so they could walk around and do some shopping. His girlfriend's best friend is from a family we have grown very close to (they live in a neighboring county, but all the kids show livestock together in 4-H). So while the teenagers were shopping, my friend and I chatted, and walked around the shops with her son in tow. My kids don't have a phone, but her daughter did, so she texted them to find out where they were every now and then. It worked out great, the kids had a blast.

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Re: Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby angelmse » Sat Nov 19, 2016 2:02 pm

Thank-you all for your input. I guess my real question should have been at what age did you let your kids go places?
I think the girl issue is bothering me, I am just not ready for that, it is my problem and not my sons. I like the ideas of going with them to the mall, he doesn't need to know I am there...... :D His friends are good boys and I know the parents well.
Thanks again.

Tek I didn't realize our boys are the same age. :D

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Re: Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby nikkigirl01 » Sat Nov 19, 2016 3:02 pm

My oldest is 12 and I would not let him go to the mall with his friends UNLESS my partner's son, who is 19 was with them. (I trust him implicitly, and he has taken all of my kids a variety of places alone.) If I did allow it, I wouldn't allow him to wear a shirt advertising his school. Call me paranoid too, but I don't think anyone needs to know where my kids go to school unless they are a friend/family.

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Re: Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby sportymonkey » Sat Nov 19, 2016 4:28 pm

I feel your pain momma. You want them to have freedom but how much freedom is too much; that's the toughest question of all. As for the girl; I wouldn't even worry about it. Then again I was always a tomboy and had way more boys as friends than girls. Boys wanted to get in the dirt and play army not barbies; yuck. LOL!!

Anyhoot, to answer your question, I think 13 is fine if they have a planned agenda but not just to hang out. My 17yo didn't even really ask to go to the mall with friends until she was around 15 or so.

You do what you feel is right; your his momma and only you can decide.

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Re: Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby teknoge3k » Sat Nov 19, 2016 8:22 pm

angelmse wrote: I guess my real question should have been at what age did you let your kids go places?

Tek I didn't realize our boys are the same age. :D



For me, 12. My son is almost 13 as indicated. (My youngest is 5). Now when I say go to the mall and hang out, I am always some place in the mall. Not with him, but in the mall somewhere. I am not going to drop him off and come home an hour away.
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Re: Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby jeanerz13 » Sat Nov 19, 2016 8:31 pm

teknoge3k wrote:
For me, 12. My son is almost 13 as indicated. (My youngest is 5). Now when I say go to the mall and hang out, I am always some place in the mall. Not with him, but in the mall somewhere. I am not going to drop him off and come home an hour away.

Think you'll take him to the mall with you next weekend to "hang out"? :P

Edit: just to be clear, don't mean in a creepy way - just because it will be BF weekend

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Re: Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby teknoge3k » Sat Nov 19, 2016 9:02 pm

jeanerz13 wrote:Think you'll take him to the mall with you next weekend to "hang out"? :P

Edit: just to be clear, don't mean in a creepy way - just because it will be BF weekend


Honestly, we don't even go to the mall on BF. Everywhere we go is not in the mall so we just avoid it. BUT hypothetically, I probably would avoid it if we did. However, he has been bugging us to go BF shopping with us.
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Re: Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby jeanerz13 » Sat Nov 19, 2016 10:35 pm

teknoge3k wrote:
jeanerz13 wrote:Think you'll take him to the mall with you next weekend to "hang out"? :P

Edit: just to be clear, don't mean in a creepy way - just because it will be BF weekend


Honestly, we don't even go to the mall on BF. Everywhere we go is not in the mall so we just avoid it. BUT hypothetically, I probably would avoid it if we did. However, he has been bugging us to go BF shopping with us.

Might be a good day for people watching (what else does "hang out at the mall" mean?)

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lovebf
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Re: Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby lovebf » Sun Nov 20, 2016 1:14 am

Nope, nope, no! Never! I never allowed my kids to "hang" anywhere. They had to have a purpose and a time. Hanging just leads to trouble. Now, that is where I live and how I raised my kids. Their time is worth productive time. No hanging out anywhere. I know what I did when left to hang out. That is not to say there are some great kids in this world that can handle themselves in these situations. I just didn't give my kids the chance. I always told them there are things they could be accomplishing. If they wanted to hang out, they could have friends over or do an activity. My thought process is most kids do not have the maturity and experience to handle this amount of responsibility. Plus, I was more afraid of abduction and worse, them being predator bait. I have great kids and am very blessed. To many weirdos out there and I just didn't want to leave that door open.
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angelmse
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Re: Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby angelmse » Sun Nov 20, 2016 2:48 pm

lovebf wrote:Nope, nope, no! Never! I never allowed my kids to "hang" anywhere. They had to have a purpose and a time. Hanging just leads to trouble. Now, that is where I live and how I raised my kids. Their time is worth productive time. No hanging out anywhere. I know what I did when left to hang out. That is not to say there are some great kids in this world that can handle themselves in these situations. I just didn't give my kids the chance. I always told them there are things they could be accomplishing. If they wanted to hang out, they could have friends over or do an activity. My thought process is most kids do not have the maturity and experience to handle this amount of responsibility. Plus, I was more afraid of abduction and worse, them being predator bait. I have great kids and am very blessed. To many weirdos out there and I just didn't want to leave that door open.

Thx That is what scares me. Predators. here in Arizona it is a big problem. I always tell my son, "not on my watch".

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Re: Teenagers need advice plse.....

Postby tinytim35 » Sun Nov 20, 2016 3:13 pm

my son is almost 17 and I still worry. different times from when I was little. Even different between him & his big brother that is 31. Sad that they don't have the freedom we had as children.


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