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by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 6:20 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 6:15 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, say...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 6:02 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 5:58 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 5:56 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The moth...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 5:55 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Haw...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 5:53 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'W...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 4:54 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

This is a (supposedly) "true" story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless, to say the helpdesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause." Alleged actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support emp...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 4:51 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

On your way home from work, stop at a pharmacy and go to the thermometer section. Purchase a Johnson & Johnson rectal thermometer, make sure you buy this particular brand. When you get home, lock your doors & close the curtains, disconnect the phone so you won't be disturbed. Change into com...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 4:49 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

A man goes to his local golf club and he was stopped by a worker. "We have a priest who is interested in learning the game. Would you play a round with him?" The man says sure and he and the priest get to the first tee. The man swings and misses the ball and yells, "Goddammit! fark it...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 4:47 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

Bin Laden's Afterlife Surprise After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 4:41 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if ...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 4:31 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

Tickle Me Elmo: There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Per...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 4:00 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this ha...
by Russell Burrows
Sun Oct 05, 2008 3:53 pm
Forum: Off Topic
Topic: The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.
Replies: 20
Views: 5582

The jokes to read until the ads come out thread.

Few ads to read right now so I decided to start a jokes thread in the off topic area to have something to read until the BF ads are out. COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm think...

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